ON SELF / BODY CONFIDENCE

Have you ever met a person very confident but at the same time not so confident? Well, after being in denial for so long, I’ve decided to come clean and announce that that’s exactly what I am.

To be honest, I’m completely clueless as to what causes my issues with confidence and so far, that has really made it hard to work on because I don’t know what exactly the problem is.

I spend most of my days taking photographing myself and my life in general but of all the images of me out there, it’s usually of my best self, always the best because that’s what my job as a blogger / social media influencer entails. Whether you choose to critique it or to admire it, it still remains my best self.

In reality, I’m a very regular jugular girl in her 20s, trying to live my best #richsexy life while sometimes struggling to stay afloat but if you choose to judge me based of the internet, you’d most likely see a girl who has her shit together, a girl who gets everything she wants with a great sense of humor judging by my Instagram captions {this one is facts though}. However, almost every passing day comes with me struggling with my self confidence.

Now what’s baffling me is the fact this wasn’t even a thing in my teenage years when the teasing from peers was at it’s peak, I mean in high school people said things to your face and I didn’t even feel sh*t.

Now I know you might be wondering how it’s possible that I’m super confident and not confident at the same time, well, the thing is, once I have a good understanding of a situation or a thing, I’m super confident, that’s why when I’m doing the work I do online, from social media management to fashion etc, I’m in my element and I know my stuff so therefore I come across as super confident.

I’m a very happy, bright, go lucky person with a very positive outlook on life almost all the time but if you put me in a crowd of people and they just so happen to be looking at me, because I do not know or fully understand what they might be thinking, I’ll instantly start to wish to vanish {typing this hilarious but my reality}

It's easy to say, "Let Them Stare" but I don’t even want anybody staring.

In 2020, I went from a size 12 to a size 16 and I’ve spent the past months trying to appreciate my new body, the stretch marks seeping through my sleeves, the ones visible when I wear a mini, my stomach that went from plateau like to mountain like {another hilarious typing moment} and honestly it’s been so damn hard, so when people stare, instead of thinking how they are appreciating my beauty, what I find myself thinking is whether they are looking at all these things and that sucks.

I’m writing this today because I hope it serves as therapy for me going into the new year and to give me a kick up the bum to fall deeply inlove with this banging sexy new body I have {I mean I now have boobs} but also for those of you out there who may be going through the same thing and thinking ‘omg I want to be as confident as siainstyle’ to know that despite seeming perfect and confident online, I’m just doing my job, this is something I’ve been doing for over 5years now, so of course I’m confident when I’m doing / talking about it. I want you to know that I’m completely human and just like you I’m a normal young adult with insecurities.

I’d absolutely love to hear from you and your thoughts on this topic. Will also appreciate tips on overcoming this so leave a comment below, thank you.

12 Comments

  1. I can relate with this post so much. As a tall skinny guy with lot’s of #tallpeople problems I find that I’m confident on some days and sometimes too I’m not so confident. It’s a daily struggle but I’m gradually working towards it by practicing positive confessions , affirmations and stuffs like that.
    It’s been helping me so I keep doing it. I’m so glad you shared this posts because we can all see that’s it’s s common thread in our lives. Can’t wait to read the remedies and tips people will share to overcome this.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I can relate with what you’ve written. Great articulation, by the way. I have stage fright so whilst I am confident with my looks and abilities, I hate being the centre of attention or as you wrote, being stared at. I haven’t fully developed a way of navigating this but I have to come to accept this is who I am. This means that I am learning not to be frightened at being stared at even though I dislike it. I also reassure myself by challenging those negative thoughts around being stared at such as “what is the evidence that they are looking at my flaws?” “Everybody has flaws and is probably self conscious too” “when last has someone I cared about made any negative comment about my physical flaws?” and so on. Additionally, I have my coping skills like grounding techniques handy for when difficult emotions arise and I’m unable to tackle them rationally in that moment.

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  3. I can totally relate to this. I have a not so perfect dentition and up until I got into the university I never saw it as a thing. I decided that it is part of my being and my identity. I would own it so well but people would laugh. Fast forward to seeing Gucci’s new ad where they used ladies with gap teeth and irregular dentition for their lipstick ad and i had a few people sending it to me talking about how much confidence I had portrayed and how they were reminded of me when they saw that ad. I’ve also learnt to embrace my stretch Marks because it is part of me, I just carry on with my life, wear whatever I want to wear and keep it moving. There are days I wish I was a size 10( I moved from a size 10 to size 16), my partner recently ended things because I’m fat in his words and he can’t keep up, but it is what it is. Lots of love Sia.

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